And don’t forget, the reaction of your respective exes, if they are in the picture.
So enjoy the wait and make the most of this comparatively simpler time to have each other all to yourselves!
Also, I know two co-parents who resolved not to introduce their children (now in grade school) to anyone until they graduated high school. Are there other ways that he demonstrates his interest and commitment such that you feel your relationship with him is worth the wait? It may be that your guy would love for you to meet his kids, yesterday, but he dreads having to approach his ex about it.
Your guy hates confrontation, has a high-conflict co-parenting situation, and is putting off introductions as long as possible.
This doesn’t always feel fair to the new person, and certainly, no one wants to feel “hidden” and like a second-class citizen forever.
But sometimes dating someone with kids is a waiting game, an endurance test that’s simply not for everyone.
They want life to stay as “normal” as possible for their kids. Maybe his fellow co-parent will be the first to introduce the kids to a significant other, and then he will feel more comfortable following suit.
Not all of these responses are born of guilt exclusively, but guilt can cause a parent to view the introduction to a new partner as something to be avoided. Again, only you know how long you are willing to wait. It’s a parent’s responsibility to be thoughtful as to whom they bring around their children, when, and in what context.
The women who write to us about this situation inevitably, and understandably, want to know, “How long should I wait? Are you willing to accept his kids’ well-being as his priority?(This feels harsh, but most cost-benefit analyses are.) How long should you wait to meet the kids?If you’re waiting and waiting just so he can placate his ex, that’s a red flag.It’s one thing to be sensitive and respectful when one’s fellow co-parent isn’t thrilled about Someone New entering the picture; it’s quite another to let a jealous, distraught, or angry ex dictate the progress of your relationship.If the latter is happening and there appears to be no end in sight, it’s time to move on. Divorce guilt: It’s not uncommon for parents–particularly, but not exclusively, non-custodial parents–to feel guilt after a divorce.In the five years since my ex and I launched our site, co-parenting101.org, one of the most common queries we receive is from women regarding their boyfriend’s kids.Typically, they want to meet and spend time with the kids, but their boyfriend–or the children’s mother–isn’t open to the idea.” There is no one-size-fits-all answer to that questions, but below are some insights as to what a dad–or any parent, really–might be contemplating when he decides to hold off on this big step, even if you’re ready to meet his kids and have him meet yours. He’s just not that into you…yet: Perhaps the two of you haven’t known each other long enough, in his estimation, or he doesn’t know you well enough for you to meet his kids. Do his children have any special needs or concerns that must be taken into consideration? As you get to know each other better, more answers to these questions will be revealed, allowing him to be more open to your meeting his kids. He’s just not that into you: It’s an uncomfortable truth, but it happens.When I was dating, my kids were aware that I went on dates, but they didn’t meet everyone I dated. Maybe enough time has passed that he knows you well enough, but he doesn’t think he’s in it for the long-haul with you. Or maybe he’s not sure, for whatever reason, that you and his kids will hit it off.Some parents become “Disneyland Dads” (or Moms) indulging their children in an attempt to make up for the breakup.Others intend to keep their dating lives private indefinitely because they worry that their kids won’t respond well to the new person, or because they want to minimize the amount of change their children face in the wake of the breakup.