So don't seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you're not interested in hearing it.You and your friend are not in competition, except when you're actually playing Scrabble.5. Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case.Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex.
Queers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication.The reverse is also true; no matter how much you love discussing your dude with your besties, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life. It's OK to come to your partner for advice if you're arguing with your friend, or vice versa, but absolutely resist the urge to belittle or insult one of them to the other.Save it for your diary or for anyone who didn't date him. This can be extremely tempting if they ended on bad terms and you know you'll find a sympathetic ear.And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part.Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.6. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge.This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities.If you're gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend's ex at some point.However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it's crucial that you never seem even a little like you're taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact.If you need to vent about one of them, find a neutral party.3. For instance, if your friend doesn't want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don't pressure her.They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.