That created other problems, which forced me to leave the so-called “truth.” After getting over the “All men are evil and must be destroyed” depression, I jumped full throttle into the “dating pool.” I put “dating” in quotations, because as ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses know, JWs don’t really “date.” Dating leads to sex, therefore it’s better to get married as soon as possible, because Needless to say, I didn’t know what I was doing. You see, my idea of the “love” men have for women, wasn’t the same kind of “love” women feel for men. While whining to a friend about dating, it occurred to me that I didn’t know how to . I was insecure – feeling that if I wasn’t with another person, people would think there was something wrong with me – that it was better for me to be with someone than it was to be single—a weird self-image. “Either you’re going to move to the solution or you are going to shut the hell up, because I have better things to do with my time.” I wanted help, so I decided to move to the solution.
My understanding was that men love sex, and the “love” they feel for a woman or even their kids—I still marvel over fathers who WANT to play with their kids—was more of an ownership kind of love – like they’d love their car, TV, or fishing pole. She went on to say that I needed a good dose of self-respect and presented me with a “homework assignment.” I would take a break from dating and make a list of twenty-five things I liked about myself.
Wifely dues were something the husband wanted but the wife didn’t particularly like.
I also heard from the platform and from people at the Hall how it was not good for a man to be alone; that he needed a wife to satisfy his sexual needs.
Men who remained single too long may not function properly and women needed to be available for marriage to the single brothers; that it was “selfish for a woman to stay alone when there were brothers available.” The only exceptions were for women who “pioneered” full-time.
I began to realize that I had value as a person, not just someone who pays “dues,” and kept up the no-date-zone for a while.
I became particular – maybe even rather “picky” – about who I wanted to date.